Lesson Learned

I learned an interesting lesson in my institute class last Tuesday evening. The topic was prayer, but I walked away with a different lesson.

Let me explain. The vibe at the beginning of the class was a little more rowdy - that is everyone was a tad more social than usual... but one particular classmate was more vocal than he ever has been. He was obviously emotional and seemed to lack a sense of volume. I heard judgmental whispers around me that frustrated me more. I struggled paying attention because I was more aware (and guilty of being judgmental also) of everyone's irreverence -- Finally, about half way through class, my emotional classmate slurred out a question that seemed at first to have nothing to do with the lesson's main topic: "Why is it part of God's plan to take some of us so young?" he says.

I have faced that question on a few sacred occasions on my mission... and again a few months ago as it hit close to home with the passing of my father days before he turned 50. To someone who is knee-deep in the grieving process, there's no real super-fix-it answer. However, Brother Barrett was listening to the spirit and offered some kind words as my neighbor leaned over and explained to me our classmate's situation "... [he] lost his sister just last week..." she says.

My heart sunk. I ate my self-righteous thoughts. I had been humbled. All my irritation melted away and I felt a definite shift in the class as more of us caught on. I had opened to me an opportunity for a conversation with the Spirit about love and loss, and about charity and compassion. I discovered this blanket-like calm around me. At first I mistook it for feeling unawares of those around me, but in reality I think I was more aware of them. I had compassion for each of them, especially the one with such a tough question... I loved each of them more than I ever had. I can only assume that I was not the only one feeling like this because there was a certain spirit of unity around us during that second half of class. What could I do for my hurting classmate from my seat halfway through class though? Certainly crawling across the chairs to give him a huge hug seemed unnatural in the moment, so I prayed for him. My heart was his. ... He helped me understand charity.

I didn't learn much about prayer that night, but I did learn what it is like to feel charity, to know a little of compassion. I learned how thankful I am for knowledge that we have a Father in Heaven who has laid out a plan for each of us, and has not left us alone. That in spite of our lowest-lows we are surrounded eternally in the arms of His love. I know that we are God's children and that we share a bond stronger than many in this life will understand. I realized once again that I am so grateful to be on the road with so many of you, for the strength that you are to me.

And, you know? That is a lesson worth learning.

Yes, I Blog.

Hello future fans of me. Okay, only kidding. Anyway, the good news is I finally have a blog and a bit of motivation to keep it up. So! Stay tuned for the adventures of Marilyn.

But for now I gotta wiggle. I'm late for FHE.

Hugs!
-Me.